My first encounter with a fan

I was in my room when a guy came by to pick up some stuff he ordered from my sister. I heard their muffled voices behind the closed door when it came to a stop and someone opened my room door.

I immediately slid down the sofa and laid as flat as I could so as to hide out of sight because I didn’t have makeup on lol.

My sister walked round the sofa to face me and said excitedly, “That guy outside said he’s a big fan of your blog! He even printed your triplerin banner on his phone case!!!”

Omg, whut?!!

First time I hear I have a fan, and he’s a big fan no less! But eh, the banner thing is a bit weird…

“He said he wants to meet you!”

I panicked as my hands flew to my naked face. “Tell him I’m not here!” I whispered urgently.

Before my sister could reply, the room door suddenly flew open with a violent bang and my skin nearly fell off from shock.

A massive, hulking figure filled the door frame.

And there he was.
My ardent fan.

Except he was staring dead straight at me with maniacal eyes and a crazed grin on his face.

It took me all of half a second to realize I needed to GET. THE. HELL. AWAY.

As he launched himself – all 300kg of him (or at least it seems that way. I didn’t have time to ask for his weight, and it’s not polite anyway) – in my direction, I made a gold-medal-worthy sprint for the door.

Usain Bolt had nothing on me as I blazed through the living room and out the main door.

The most horrifying thing was that Mr. Michelin was hot on my heels. As I flew down the stairs, he followed suit. As I spun around the turns of the stairs, he mimicked me. What the! Even when I squeezed out 吃奶的力 and sped up, he kept pace effortlessly.

WTBBQ how is someone with all those monster layers able to run so fast?!!

Just when it seemed like he was closing the gap…

I opened my eyes.

I slowly blinked away the confusion, as I recalled the highly-strung tension just mere moments ago.

I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.

Happy obviously because I escaped Greasy Paws.

Sad because even when it’s an imaginary fan, it’s such a traumatic and horrific one. FML. Why can’t it be a nice fan? Ok, if that’s too much to ask for, can just be normal? A bit better-looking? (it’s really not a difficult request at all) And can don’t look at or chase after me like I’m going to be his dinner? Maybe even literally, who knows!

Is that too much to ask for???

UGH WHY IS MY BRAIN SO SADISTIC.